Normally, I like to share an insightful message about how to live better using the positive mindset I’ve established through my martial art practice. It’s a theory that works pretty well. I share some personal stories about how I’ve overcome a situation using the mental skills I’ve cultivated through martial arts and you think about how to apply them to your life. I hear from people all over the world about their struggles and how they are coping and why my words of hope and wisdom mean something to them.
While I enjoy sharing my life with you and letting you know that I’ve probably felt what you are feeling right now, the truth is there is a stubborn part in you that wants to blame others or something else for your lot in life. There is a part of you that wants to skimp or skip a step but still reap the full reward. You can justify anything with your reasoning and you can make any truth bend just enough to work in your favor. The reason you feel stuck or in limbo is because you’ve made too many excuses.
If I never decided, twenty plus years ago, to take martial art classes or even start working out, I know how I would look and feel today. I would not have the energy or stamina that I have, the hope and positive outlook, the desire to overcome the odds, or the calling to share my insights with you. I would be none of what I consider the core of who I am today. I could have decided it was too difficult, too demanding, or time-consuming. All of those excuses actually make sense; but, instead, I jumped ship from laziness and accepted the challenge. I put in all the work and effort required and reaped the full reward. I’m healthy, active, fit, creative, and positive in my 53-year old body.
I’m not asking you to play the what-if game, though. I’m suggesting that you review your choices going forward with a new approach. Eliminate excuses when there is something you want to do or try or at which you want to excel. Diffuse excuses that place roadblocks in your path. Squash excuses that wreak havoc with your personal plans. There is no better time than now.
The past is over. There is no turning back the hands of time. The excuses or mistakes you made in days gone by no longer matter. Fortunately, you have today to make a change in yourself, barring all excuses.
Personal Excuses
I find myself saying words at times that make me cringe: “I can’t!”
If there is anything I’ve learned over time, it is that “I can’t” is the worst excuse in the book.
- I can’t lose ten pounds
- I can’t get to work on time
- I can’t make more money
- I can’t get A’s in my classes
Why can’t you? The answer is that you won’t. Maybe you are afraid of failing, perhaps too lazy, or maybe changing these things are just not important to you. When I tried to break a board the first time, in my head I heard “I can’t.” When I had to build my house and live like I was camping for five years, I heard “I can’t.” When I had to save my troubled pregnancy, I heard “I can’t.” I had to literally wake myself up and say, “you have no choice, so you can.”
My excuses were valid. I might hurt my foot if I break a board. I can’t be like everyone else if I live in my house while I’m building it. I can’t save this pregnancy, it’s too discouraging and scary to try. These denials would have hurt me. I would have given up on being the martial artist I wanted to be. I could have turned my house over to the bank and be living in a home that had no meaning to me. I could be missing the love of one of my children.
Every excuse, no matter how small, will hurt you. Your reasons for being judgmental, hateful, negative, or lazy will always stand in your way of hope and personal greatness or success. The more you cut corners or deny the work that needs to be, the more you cut short opportunities to excel. If you are not reaching your goals, then ask yourself if you are taking all the steps and mastering all of the skills; or, are you fooling yourself into believing that the partial attempts you have made are enough?
Societal Excuses
I was in the mall last week and a young man was caught shoplifting. Two undercover store cops grabbed him by both of his arms and handcuffed him literally in front of my eyes. As they each held one of his arms, he tried to rebel to the point they had to resort to lifting him off the ground by grabbing him underneath his armpits. A table of young women not too far away looked on as the cops were lifting him off his feet and exclaimed “did you see how they treated him!” implying how awful the two officers were for picking him up off his feet against his will.
Their view was distorted. They saw only part of the story. They did not see how the young handcuffed man tried to rebel, but I did. They allowed excuses to infiltrate their perspective. There is no excuse for shoplifting and no excuse for being belligerent, yet, they were so willing to place blame on the mall cops for being harsh because that is all what saw.
Turning a blind eye or using a scapegoat is as much an excuse as any. You must take responsibility to know the whole story before placing judgment on others. It is easy to twist your faulty behavior into an excuse. If you falsified your resume and indicated that you graduated from college but did not, would you be upset if you got fired for not having a degree? If you were the cause of a hit and run accident, would you be in disbelief if you later were arrested for a hit and run? If you tried to earn some type of extra credit, but skipped a few of the requirements, would you be upset if you didn’t receive the credit?
Excuses are as harmful as injustice and prejudice. Excuses are plentiful in our world. What is lacking is responsibility and understanding.
The Moral of The Story
Excuses will stop you from excelling, from healing, from attaining. They are a personal hindrance that you may not realize. Why are you stuck in a bit of a rut? Why are you not making more money? Why are you waiting when you could be moving forward today? Excuses will harm communities and your surroundings. Reactions believed to be adequate are, in fact, biased. Like the shoplifting incident, you may only see part of the picture. Your judgment may be based on inaccuracies.
For each disappointment in my life, I can reach in my back pocket and pull out a reason why I reacted the wrong way. It took me until midlife to stop making excuses. It took me that long to profess myself as a writer and a martial artist because I always had an excuse why I was not good enough to do either of those things well. I finally realized that I was judging myself too harshly, making excuses that had no merit. Along the way, I had judged others too harshly, too. That realization was disappointing, but it was a significant reminder that making excuses for my own actions and behaviors will always work against me.
It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to give an excuse. The difficult, but rewarding work, happens when you make yourself pay attention, when you work each step diligently to its fulfillment, or when you perfect a technique. I like to remind myself that I am a black belt for a reason. I took each step, passed each test, and in the end I learned all I needed to know about being a teacher and a leader. Had I cut corners along the way, I would have nothing to really show for it.
No one can ever take away what you have accomplished when you do it the right way.
Stop making excuses. Look at the full picture. Stop expecting something for nothing. If you want something, if you aspire to be a certain way, if you desire to become a better you, then you must stop making excuses.
As for me, as I set my goals, I have one goal that is going at the very top of my list: No Excuses.
xoxo
Andrea
Andrea F. Harkins, is a writer, motivator, life coach, martial artist, and public speaker. Her book, The Martial Arts Woman, will be published later this year. Andrea is Internationally known for her positivity through martial arts efforts and outreach, and her writing. She is currently a columnist for Martial Arts Illustrated UK, The Martial Arts Guardian (UK), the World Martial Arts Magazine, MASUCCESS, Conflict Manager, The Parrish Village News, and her blog, The Martial Arts Woman. Contact her through this website’s CONTACT ME page for information on public speaking, autographs, and life coaching.
A friend posted on Facebook what the words: Fail, End and No really mean and I thought I would share it with the class. FAIL: First Attempt In Learning, END: Effort Never Dies, NO: Next Opportunity. So if you see the glass as half full, these words are not negative. Just have to look a little harder to see the positive. All the best and full respect.
Excellent! Thanks for sharing! Words to live by…
Happy New Year, Sensei Andrea! 🙂
My grandfather had a saying, “An excuse is just another reason for why you didn’t do what you should have done.” To get your black belt(and even 2nd degree), you had to put your very soul into your training. Like you said, you could have made a ton of excuses: the training is too hard, the instructor is too tough, I’m too tired to go to training today, etc. When people make excuses, they are only viewing life one-dimensionally. Hence, the term, “tunnel vision”. When people learn to observe life from a multi-dimensional point-of-view, then things will change. The biggest part of the observation involves being patient and learning to focus on what is most important in life. No Excuses! 🙂
You always have a wonderful comment and story to share that helps to expand the meaning of my posts. I’ve made my share of excuses over time like everyone and I’m hoping in 2015 to make more progress than excuses~ Thanks, friend.
Now that was uplifting! Well said!
As the French proverb goes: “The word Impossible is not a french word”.
We must always try and not readily accept that we can’t. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Reginald, for your kind comments. I’m also working on a blog that you suggested! Talk to you soon.
A great blog dear. And so true so proud of you you always give and never make excuses
I have a chronic illness but you’d never know. 12 years ago I was given the ‘can’t’ speech by a doctor. He told me I was too ill to work and I’d never have children etc. I never bought into that attitude, I went through tough treatment for years, beat the illness, kept the job and have three beautiful and healthy girls. Who says I can’t? It’s all a matter of attitude and how much effort you’re willing to put in to achieve your goal. When I apply the same tenacity to other things, I succeed, if I don’t, well it’s my own fault if I fail.
As ever, your post is inspirational and so true. Thank you for sharing.
My post might be inspirational, but your comment is more inspirational! A beautiful story and I am so glad you were brave enough to say “I can.”
Ossu! [bow]
Tough love indeed! Thank you!
I think we learn a lot about not making excuses when we’re in Karate class. We’re simply not given the option to make excuses.
“Get that stance deeper!”
“Ossu!”
Then Sensei immediately gives the next count and BOOM, you launch into action. There’s absolutely no time for the student to say anything but one word. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I say, “Ossu!” in response to an order, it’s a promise that I will pour everything I have into what I’m about to do. In real life, we should launch ourselves into immediate action and pour ourselves into that action. No excuses.
Wow, you have really enriched your life by tackling some very tough things instead of saying, “I can’t!” Thanks for sharing your stories!
[bow]
Thank you, dear friend! It is so easy to give an excuse, so difficult to put forth the effort necessary to do things right. I know we all need a big reminder, including me, that cutting corners never works to our benefit. Happy New Year!