Do you have an enemy? Is there someone who criticized, condemned, or unjustly judged you? It is difficult to believe that their intent was to hurt you for no apparent reason, even if that is the truth. These enemies lack kindness and compassion. They easily turn your great day, or your great life, upside down. You may get angry or dumbfounded by their unwarranted actions. I think everyone has had one of these kinds of people in their lives. They create battles that you wish you did not have to face, but you do.
The attacker, bully, or difficult person, is not easy to defend. He engages you in a mental battle, and quickly earns a spot on your enemy list. The list may be long or short, depending on your experiences. Fortunately, my list is short, but I can think of a few people in my past who have purposely made my life difficult. Criticism or threats on social media can happen, no matter who you are or how good, kind, or genuine, you are. A few bouts with these cowards shook and disrupted my confidence. I allowed some self-doubt to surface. Maybe they are right, I wondered. These enemies make you feel less than you are, if you let them. I had to ask myself if their remarks had any merit.
I was highly criticized on a social media site for a blog post I wrote for, and about, a physically challenged man who was learning a martial art. I experienced how on-line bullying worked. One negative remark spreads far and wide, faster than a speeding bullet, through a group of people whom you have never met. They never read your original content, but base their decisions about you solely on the criticisms of others. I was accused of using this gentleman’s physical challenge as an inspiration, which for many is taboo. No one wants to be an “inspiration” just because they have a physical challenge with which they live. This was never my intention. In fact, he is the one who contacted me to write it. I wrote exactly what he wanted, because he could not do it himself. Still, the online hate for my post and for me was relentless.
I thought about shutting down my blog. I knew that if this is what I would have to face by doing something for someone out of kindness, then maybe being an inspiring martial artist is not a good idea. The situation was discouraging. I had so many great stories to share. Every circumstance I’ve faced in learning, testing, or teaching martial arts, has a life lesson that could prove helpful, interesting, or beneficial for others. The anger I felt was more than I had felt in a long time. The condemnation and judgment was disappointing and disheartening. I almost allowed it to change my goals and my dreams.
The smartest thing I did was let it go. Like a tidal wave, it rose, then crashed, and eventually, it settled. I said nothing. My defense was silence. I would never let them know that they made it to my enemy list, because a fight like that is not worth fighting. You have to pick and choose your battles. I left the post up long enough for it to be seen by the man’s family and friends, then pulled it from the blog website to the archives, never to share it again. This experience prompted me to discover more about the enemy than I ever realized. In those few moments of shaken confidence and anger, the true enemy emerged. It was not who I imagined.
I was my own worst enemy. I earned a spot at the top of my own enemy list, by letting negativity and self-doubt enter my mind. For a moment, I wanted to give up. That is the power of hate and negativity. It will do everything it can to pull you away from your true purpose. The hurtful actions and words of others can affect your positive energy, and make you question yourself, but only if you let it.
Once you believe the naysayers, bullies, or judgmental people, you lose your footing. Let the words and behaviors of these enemies roll away from you. Focus on your own positive and encouraging thoughts and actions. Defend heartily against self-doubt, fear, and worry. For every negative there is a positive. Only you can decide how you react.
Many martial artists contact me on Facebook seeking encouragement, or they have a story to share. We all face the same struggles. Many are searching for self-truth and enlightenment. Others are trying to improve in their art. Some have allowed bullies to control how they think and feel, by falling into the enemy’s snare. Mostly everyone wants to live a better life using their martial art to segway into positivity.
If, one day, you find your own name at the top of your own enemy list, it is time to make a change. It is a difficult life lesson, but one that is so important. There will always be critics, bullies, and troublemakers. It does not matter what their intent is. Don’t let your mind be swayed. Don’t give up on yourself. When you have a chance to review your enemy list, try to wipe it clean and start over, especially if you find your own name on it. Today is a new day and a new chance to let go of the hardships of the past, or the worries of the future. The biggest lesson, of course, is this: Never, ever be your own worst enemy.
Andrea
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My new book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available. Purchase through my e-commerce store: http://themartialartswoman.storenvy.com.
The Martial Arts Woman shares the stories and insights of more than twenty-five women in the martial arts, and how they apply martial arts to their lives. Unlike most other martial art books, the reader will catch a glimpse into the brave and empowered woman who dares to be all that she can be. Many of these women had to overcome great societal or personal challenges to break into the men’s world of martial arts. This book will motivate and inspire you to go after your goals in life and to fight through every challenge and defeat every obstacle. The Martial Arts Woman will open your eyes to the power of the human spirit and the martial art mindset that dwells in each of us!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Andrea F. Harkins is a writer, motivator, life coach, martial artist, and public speaker. Her book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available at themartialartswoman.storenvy.com.
Andrea is Internationally known for her positivity through martial arts efforts and outreach, and her writing. She is currently a contributor for Think Positive Magazine, as well as a columnist for Martial Arts Illustrated UK, The Martial Arts Guardian (UK), the World Martial Arts Magazine, MASUCCESS, Conflict Manager, Martial Arts Business (Australia), The Parrish Village News, and her blog, The Martial Arts Woman. Contact her for information on public speaking, autographs, and life coaching.
Thank you for sharing ! Our world is full of people who are unkind , hurtful and bullies. It is awesome to have people like you that are positive enough to get through it and share your learning experience with us . Thank you again !!
Thank you for you really kind comment! We need to all fight back through positivity.
You are such a wonderful example. I hope to learn more from you by example. Please keep spreading your word everyday. Thank you.
Thank you, Marlene!
That was very insightful article! It’s truly sad that we live in a time when one’s opinions come under such scrutiny. But, you exemplify great courage and leadership by looking into the mirror of your soul and finding the answer there. Our minds can be corrupted by impure thoughts/suggestions and bring out our worst fears. That’s what I love about the following quotes:
Yoda: That place… is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
Luke: What’s in there?
Yoda: Only what you take with you.
In the end, it seems to me that these people are in victim-mode, and they turn to bullying because someone is telling them to stop whining and start fighting. You rock, Sensei! 🙂
Thank you, Anwar! Bullies are the worse! 🙂 Hope you are well.
Hear! Hear!
So glad you didn’t give up!
You have so much to share 🙂
You gain nothing from quitting. 🙂
So sorry you had to go through that. Life isn’t fair sometimes, and I love to surround myself with my dojo brothers and sisters, who make me feel amazing when I am being my own worst enemy. My inner voice can be brutal at times,and so surrounding myself with awesome, inspirational people makes all the difference in my world.
You are an inspiration to me. Don’t forget the people you help every day at your dojo and through your blog. You DO make a difference and the difference is good. Now have an amazing Tuesday!
Thank you for the great encouragement! No, life isn’t fair, but we can persevere!
Excellent. Your writing on this topic reminds me that I am a work in progress. Thank you.
A work in progress is the best way to be, isn’t it?
Hang in there. You’re doing just fine. As a Martial Artist with disabilities caused by Multiple Sclerosis, etc. I find your writing to be honest, open and informative. 😃
Thank you, Sensei. I know of your struggles, and my dad had MS. I understand it all too well. Keep inspiring others!
Ossu! I remember the post and the comment and I admire how you handled things. I know you’ve learned and grown, which is not at all what “they” wanted. You’re stronger now, and thanks for sharing that strength. Anytime one can reduce the number of enemies by even one, so much the better 🙂
It’s the easiest example, although not the only one….
Great write. I like the way it took a twist & you became the number one enemy. For I also have become my own enemy at a time in my life. Thank you. ☺
Arthur Collins. Sensei
A little twist always keeps things interesting!
Hey. Sensei Andrea..You will never be able to please all…you will have your haters. Critic’s..Men saying you don’t know what your talking about…remember the Martial Arts at ine time was very much denominated by men…I understand you want to write to females only…just write for all who are interested…I enjoy reading on what you have to say…don’t shut down for just a few negative people…your positive out weight the negative….Osu….
Hi, and thank you! No worries, this happened a while back and as you can see, I’m still here! I rarely write articles just for women, and while my blog and my book are called “The Martial Art Woman,” they are for everyone, male, female, martial artist or not. In fact, I have many readers who are not martial artists who like the positivity or self-help aspects. Thank you for your support and encouragement! Onward 🙂
A great article , and a great way to spot the enemy