When my son was a young boy, he was playing in the front yard.  There was a plastic chair sitting on a wooden pallet because we hadn’t had a chance to get rid of the pallet after a recent furniture delivery.  I was looking out the window and I saw him climb on the chair, but the back leg was not on the pallet all the way, so when he sat his body down, the chair fell backwards off the wooden pallet, with him in it.  I ran out afraid there would be blood, a big bump on the head, something….But, from what I could see he was okay.  I asked frantically “are you alright?” in my scared mother’s tone.  He said he was, and so I picked up the chair, gave him a kiss and meandered back inside where I could continue chores and watch him playing outside the window.

He was a tough little guy, and now, at 16 years old, he still is.  He is almost 6 feet tall and weighs about a couple of hundred pounds.  He sports a full beard and a lot of confidence.  When he was younger some of my friends called him “tank.”  If he wanted to get somewhere he would just push his way through people and things until he got there.  He was completely motivated by food, and possibly still is as a teen, and his trademark was humming while he ate.  It showed what incredible love he had for food!

On the day he fell out of the chair, all seemed well.  It was the next day that I realized his incredible threshold for pain.

Just out of the corner of my eye into the early evening of the next day, I noticed something strange.  He kept using his left hand and he wasn’t left-handed.  I watched.  Left hand to pick up a toy.  Left hand to scratch his face.  Left hand to punch his brother.  Left hand, left hand, left hand.

Then I noticed the other thing.  His right arm was slightly bent at the elbow and he held it close to his body.  He never used it but it didn’t seem to slow him down.  I called my husband over.  We watched my right-handed son use his left hand over and over.  The other hand was just an inconvenience, apparently.  We called him over.  We looked.  Why are you using your left hand, we questioned.  He shrugged his shoulders but would not straighten his right arm.  We hopped in the car headed for the ER.

Bad news.  His right arm was broken.

Broken?

He would have never said anything, and even though it took me a while to catch on, he still didn’t want to stop playing even though he had a broken arm.  What kid just keeps playing with a broken arm? That’s a  level and threshold of pain that seems a little superhuman.  He uses that to his advantage on the football field and I constantly have to check in to make sure everything feels good when he’s done.  It’s not that he would hide pain, he just plain might not acknowledge it.

Pain is Your Opponent

In karate, there are moments of pain.  As a student you must expect an occasional miss during sparring or during practice of a technique, an extra strong punch, or possibly getting hit where it really hurts.  None of it is intentional, it just happens.  A girl student in my class was recently teaching an underbelt about sparring.  He accidentally kicked her in the stomach.  Her threshold of pain was such that she showed a good face, but when she walked away, she cried and bent over.  Another girl in my class was unexpectedly hit, not hard but uncomfortably, in her face. She wanted to stop sparring until I convinced her that it would be okay and she agreed. When pain is momentary, it is good to face it, use it, and learn from it.  I doubt either girl will experience those situations again because they have already learned what not to do next time around.

Pain is tricky.  It makes itself known long enough for you to question if you want to continue.  Only when you quit does pain win.  You see, pain is an opponent.  It won’t let you rest and it won’t let you be.  If its duration is short, you can work through it; if it is long and ongoing, it affects everything about you and using a good mindset, along with any other assistance you need to cope, is critical.  But, don’t let it win.

When I get a migraine headache, on occasion, I cannot breathe through that particular pain.  It hovers intensely until I take a headache powder.   You can be as positive as you want, but there are definitely times when you don’t need to be a hero about your pain.  If you have chronic pain, lifelong pain, debilitating pain, find what works for you.  It may be a combination of anecdotes and it should always include breathing and powerful positive thinking, along with any other treatment that may be effective for you. After I down an a headache powder, I combine it with quiet relaxation.  I close my eyes and soften every muscle in my body, one area at a time.  I learned this from years of taking yoga classes and it is the most effective way I’ve found to ease pain, even if I do have to combine it with a caffeinated aspirin. I find that the headache dissipates faster when I apply the relaxation along with the medicine.

Use some powerful positive thinking and some breath to ease pain.  Yoga and meditation teach an effective method of taking your breath and allowing it to swirl around the pain.  It is like a little tornado that stops by to pick up your pain and carry it away somewhere outside you.

I can only speak about my experiences, though.  Boxers, MMA practitioners, or even crime victims  experience a hands-on pain that I have never experienced.  I’ve never been punched over and over.  I’ve never been stabbed or shot.  I’ve never even had a broken bone.  I have no lifelong illness and never had a life threatening experience.  I won’t be able to rely on luck as my pain management all my life and neither will you.  I do know that I will do everything to ease it when it happens, including using my breath.

Good Pain Is On Your Side

There are other kinds of pain, too – good pain!  The kind when you feel sore after an aggressive workout. You don’t realize it until the next day or the day after. The kind you readily accept because you know you have done something good for yourself and your muscles.  The kind of pain known as growing pains, that kids have at certain times in their lives.  They feel achy and some discomfort throughout their bodies because they are growing.  And, of course there is pain involved in bringing new life, a baby, into the world.

Pain for a purpose like childbirth or strengthening our muscles is difficult, but acceptable. Three of my four childbirths were completely natural.  Talk about harnessing breath to ease through the pain. It’s like embracing all your life’s power to do something completely spectacular.  It was my incredible, timely, well-practiced karate breathing that pulled me through all three times.

Because martial arts has a heavy emphasis on breathing, one residual benefit it provides is how to control some of your immediate physical or mental discomfort by a big deep breath in through the nose and a forced exhalation through the mouth.  I use it a lot to pace myself through a kata or though an aerobic workout.  Somehow when I use breath the way I know how, I feel better.  Whether you welcome pain or it’s thrust upon you, your threshold is the deciding factor in how it affects you.  And, if intentional breathing helps, then that’s the ticket!

Your Choice

I’m not sure how my young son managed his broken arm pain.  Maybe he just worked through it. Maybe when you ignore it or focus on something else that is meaningful you can control it.  Maybe a child just assimilates better when pain makes itself known.

My son is an example of how some of you may choose to handle your pain.  Instead of letting it consume him, it became a nuisance and an annoyance. He took the focus to a different place and was willing to continue on his path despite the pain.

Can you put pain to the back of your mind or does it take center stage?  There is no right or wrong.  Your pain is yours alone and is not subject to other’s opinions or comments.  Never listen to others who want to condemn your pain and always make a choice to fight it.  When I brought three of my children into this world, I learned that I was as tough as any other human being on this earth.  I know that if pain comes my way I will definitely strive to beat it.

I’ve watched my other son have two ACL surgeries and my dad cope with MS and cancer.  I’ve seen close friends struggle with arthritis issues and heart conditions.  All I know, from these experiences, is that pain can be all-consuming. If I need to face it again, I’m going to come out of the gate like a bullfighter.  I’m going to use my friends and family as my strength and hope they will give me the love and compassion that I  need to make decisions regarding my pain and my life.  I’m going to pull out all the stops, starting with breath and meditation and ending with whatever else I need.  Thanks to martial arts training, I feel like I’m already one step up on pain.

Some pain is okay, but usually it is your opponent.   Some is temporary, some is forever.  Some warrants immediate attention and some takes it time.  No matter what,  you must triumph over pain. Give it a good fight so you can have a winning chance.

Never Give Up.  Fight Back. Win at Life.

Andrea