Decreasing Stress, Encouragement, Karate, Learn to Appreciate, Motivational, Philosophy

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Positive

Let’s break it down, friends.

We have to remember one very important lesson about people and positivity. It took me a while to figure it out, but  not everyone wants to be positive. Some are content with little desire to be happy. Some have no idea what positivity even is. Many have been raised to understand that there is only one kind of mindset and it has nothing to do with being positive.

What you and I (positive people) have to offer is radically different from the norm, and some are not willing to accept or consider it. But, that is okay. My mission is not to help every person become more positive, but to help those who want to be, but do not know how.

Many have asked, “What makes you think that positivity makes any difference, whatsoever?” I  can relate. For years in my life I had no clue that positivity was even a concept. I was not overly negative, but I certainly never saw the good side to any situation. I was a sullen, whiny victim of sorts, always comparing myself to those who had more or something better. It seemed I was destined to always fall below the curve.

Then, one day, someone suggested an interesting concept to me, as I discussed yet another failure in my life. He said, “Did you try? I mean, really try, and not just put forth some minimal effort expecting some great success?”

“What?” I murmured? “Of course I tried,” I blurted. But, as quickly as the words rolled off my tongue, it felt like a dozen bricks crashed down upon me. The word “try” flipped around in my head over and over.  My mind raced. It was either guilt, or a moment of enlightenment, but it revealed itself suddenly. I never really tried.

I know, it sounds very immature to some, but the positivity haters know exactly what I mean. In that moment, I recognized that the fate of my own mindset  had been perpetually dormant. It is not that I had given up, but that I had never really tried.

The next step was not easy. I had to accept responsibility. While it was always easy to lay the blame of my defeat upon others, the time had come to turn things around myself. I knew that if I did not believe and trust in myself, and make the effort, no one else would. No one would give me a great job. No one would help me be successful. No one would help my dreams come true. Only when I am responsible, make the effort, and believe in myself, can I ever stop the positivity negligence that I had created.

I relate a lot of my martial art experiences to helping me make this transition. There was something very valuable about the kicks and punches, and the fact that I wanted, more than anything, to find the ultimate mindset that would help me achieve success. I started to move apart from the negative. I saw myself as a martial artist, which had a much bigger connotation that just being the “me” who never tried. It was the first chance I gave myself, in my late 20’s, to put forth a great effort in hopes of a great reward. It culminated in a black belt, and a new mindset, five years later.

The world still pushes against me. There is always negativity from every direction. The positivity haters want to be  undermining or critical. They misinterpret happiness as something they can never achieve in their own lives. They hate the positive thinkers and believers, because they just don’t understand.

Now, it is easier for me. After all, it’s been about 28 years since I began martial arts and my new mindset. I have learned to identify those who do not feel grateful, successful, compassionate, or happy, and reach out to them. They think that they can never find that positivity themselves. I know differently.

For those positivity haters who start to recognize the theory that if you try, you may succeed, there is hope. I have turned an average and complacent life into something greater. If I can do it, you can, too. Life is definitely full of distractions and hard-core negativity. If you ever want to be a better “you” than you are today, you will have to push some of that aside. Don’t hate me for being positive. After all, of all the people in the world, I am one who believes in you.




My new book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available. Purchase through my e-commerce store: or on Amazon:

This book shares the stories and insights of more than twenty-five women in the martial arts, and how they apply martial arts to their lives.

Unlike most other martial art books, the reader will catch a glimpse into the brave and empowered woman who dares to be all that she can be. Many of these women had to overcome great societal or personal challenges to break into the men’s world of martial arts. This book will motivate and inspire you to go after your goals in life and to fight through every challenge and defeat every obstacle. The Martial Arts Woman will open your eyes to the power of the human spirit and the martial art mindset that dwells in each of us!
Andrea F. Harkins is a writer, motivator, life coach, martial artist, and public speaker. Her book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available at

4 thoughts on “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Positive

  1. I have always tried to be a positive person. The only time I can’t be is when I am sick and that’s when I just want to be left alone due to the fact that I am not myself. I get these crazy migraines that last for days. I am on medication and have been for years but people don’t understand what it’s like. They always say things like, ‘try a cup of tea’ or ‘just lie down for a while’ . You can’t explain that you have had to sell your house because of dogs barking and you have lost a job you have loved and worked so hard at and you can’t explain you have missed functions because you were too sick to get out of bed to get on an airplane to attend. So, just leave me in my dark room and I will come back to the living when I can lift my head and I can stand the sound of my own voice. Then I can be positive again. It’s a horrible way to be but I have lived like this for years and that’s my life. I am even much better than the onset but it still happens many times a month. But I try to be positive and be happy when I can.

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